Lessons

Lessons I learned from my Gram:

1 - Your husband better always be your boyfriend

2 - It's better to be single than wish you were

3 - If you cheat at cards, your Grandad will NEVER play a game with you again

4 - It's bad luck to have 2 people change the sheets

5 - Looks fade & money doesn't always last, find someone that makes you laugh

6 - Homemade lemon bars are great, but Betty Crocker is easier

7 - If your problems can be fixed with money, then they're not that bad

8 - There are no exes in this family and there are no steps

9 - No is a complete sentence

10 - When in doubt, stay out of it

11 - Take your time to find the perfect cove

Today marks one year since my tiny Grandmother shuffled off this mortal coil. She was a pretty rad lady, all 4'10" of her. She and my Grandad were relationship goals. They were married for 47 years, raised 4 kids, umpteen grandkids and a few great grandkids. She lived through the Depression, an alcoholic husband, and raised my Dad & My Auntie on her own until my Grandad came along. Their story is one that I read about in my books. She was small in stature and huge in spirit. If you've ever seen That 70s Show, Red & Kitty Foreman are my grandparents.

My Gram was working at the phone company and so was my Grandad, Jack. He asked her out a lot and she said no a lot. She said "I have two small kids at home and I need to be home with them" Sick of being rejected, my Grandad said o her "If I bring the meat will you cook it?" and that was that. Fast forward 6 months, she comes home from work and he's sitting on the couch with a big ol dress box. "Jack", she says "what's in the box?" and he looks at her and says "it's all our bills, and I'm trying to figure out with all these bills, and all these kids how we can afford to get married." And that... was that. They drove to Vegas on 5 bucks and got married. They had a really beautiful life, and they set a foundation for the rest of us, an example of what relationships are supposed to look like.

I've been blessed with a bevy of stellar women that shaped and molded me into the woman I am today, I'm eternally grateful for the strong, take no shit ladies that taught me how to live, and were always there to carry me through my messes. So, today, I honor my Gram with my words, I celebrate her unique personality and I value the lessons that she taught me.

This picture is me in the 7th grade, astride my mare, Foxy.

Mother's Day

May is not an easy month for me. It's my Mom's month. On May 30th, she would have been 64, and she celebrated her birthday all month. A tradition, that my Dad seems to have picked up as well. In between May Day and her birthday is Mother's Day. My Mama was a Diva to her core, and she liked to be spoiled, and I liked to do nice things for her when I could. Right now, I wanna hurl shit at the television every time a Mother's Day commercial comes on or I get an email or some ad on Facebook "would Mom love this?" yes, yes she would have. It's been almost 2 years since she died, and I still miss her every day. It's not the same gut wrenching, sharp pain that I felt at the beginning, but it's still there. This constant ache and reminder that something important is missing.

I am my Mother's child through and through. I am the embodiment of a flower child and a construction worker. I am the best parts of these people, and I am so grateful for the parents that I was given. I know a lot of people don't have it so good, and I was and am always happy to loan out my folks. Even though it's been almost 2 years, I'm still getting used to being motherless.. Most days it's okay, but lately with all the Mother's Day brouhaha everywhere, it makes me wanna break shit. I'm so aware that she's not physically here and it's like... glaring.

* Sideyes everything and internalizes Hallmark holiday bullshit*

Don't mind me. I'm just feeling sorry for mahself.... The reality is that I'm not the first person to lose a parent. Many people have been through this. In fact, just in my circle of friends alone there's like 5 of us who have lost a parent in the last few years. It's a level of grown up that I don't really think I'm ready for, and I don't feel all that equipped to deal with big things like Mother's Day or her birthday or the anniversary of her death.

My Mom was the balance between my Dad and I. She softened us, she made us better. She was funny without meaning to be, she was calming, and kept a peaceful home. She had a heart bigger than Texas and she always had room at her table. She wasn't without fault. She was human, and she was . . . . Special ;-) But my Mom embodied true love. She met EVERYONE where they were. She didn't judge people, or ask them to be anything different than exactly who they were. She was never quiet about her faith, but she didn't hit anyone over the head with it either. She was just fuckin' cool. In every way a person could be. So yeah, I miss her. I miss doing stuff with her. I've talked it about a lot here, but this is my little space in the world, where I can vomit out my thoughts.

So, nothing new. I miss my Mommy. Hug yours if you can, make Sunday special for her in some type of way and to all my friends that are Mamas or soon to be <3 I have all the love in the world for you. Raising kids does NOT look easy, and I know raising me was not a walk in the park. I'm rebellious and cantankerous on a good day, but my Mama saw through all that to the core of who I am and loved me through it. I miss her, but fuck am I grateful for the 36 years that I had with her.