2015 was a banner fucking year for me. (I swear. a lot. Are you new here?) My Mama had been sick for a while, and she wasn't getting better. I made a really tough decision and left a career at a company that I loved so I could be with her. That was in April, 6 weeks later my Mom was gone. Even though I knew it was coming, nothing ever really prepares you for that moment. The moment that my tether, ceased to be on this mortal coil. She passed in June, and I got pregnant in July. In August, we had a miscarriage. The hope I had, the joy I felt, that little glimmer that somehow things would be brighter, was gone. I have always been a pretty social and outgoing person. Throughout these losses, I ceased to be so. I started to retreat into myself, and I became reclusive. By the time my Gram passed away a few months later, I was completely broken. That's it in a nutshell, if you want to know more, I have a book out about this very thing ;-). A few years went by of me trying to find my footing, find my place, search for a new normal,and it was rough. I put on weight, I maxed out my credit cards, I rarely left my house.
Then, hockey happened. I have watched hockey on a surface level for years. I was mostly a Kings fan, since my love for L.A encompasses all things. But really, I watched the Kings in the 90's when the likes of Wayne Gretzky, Luc Robitaille, and Marty McSorley were on the ice. I didn't know much about the sport (I still don't if we're being honest here). I went to the occasional Wrangler game with my crew, but I was a casual fan at best. I am married to a sports guy. He's a football savant, and most of our dates were at Rebel basketball games. We are sports people. So, when Vegas announced they were trying to get an NHL team here, my dude was ALL IN.
I told you all of that so I could tell you this - Hockey saved me. Or started to. When the Golden Knights showed up, suddenly my guy and I were out of the house. Random hockey dates in the middle of the week, we met new people, we were out of the house on a regular basis, and I started to come alive again. The Knights united our city after the tragedy of October 1, and in all my years here, I've never seen anything like it. The way our city came together was brilliantly beautiful at a gut-wrenching tragic time. Through all of my turmoil, hockey helped me find my way out. Over the course of the season, our boys kept getting better and better and somehow made it to the Final in our first year, it was a ride, and I was happy to be on it. But, for the first time in years, I was happy. I had joy, and I was finding my way back to myself.
Life got real lifey over the last 4 years, and I lost myself. It was about 18 months ago, things came to a head for me. I was still pretty miserable, overweight, and I hadn't dealt with the trauma of losing my Mother, or losing our baby. I always say how blessed I am to have my friends, my husband, my family, and they all stood by me when I was at my worst. I started going to therapy (amen for outside help) I developed a regular gym routine, I started making time for my friends again, and getting out of the damn house. I fell deeper in love with my sweetheart, and we worked through some gnarly stuff. But slowly and surely I started to find my me again. She had been gone for some time. And it all started with hockey.
I turned 40 in December, I never thought I'd live this long to be honest. And while life is definitely in session, I'm living. For the first time in 4 years, I am truly living my one wild and precious life. It's short. And it's my job to enjoy it. So, sports matter in the Mueller household, and they matter in the Casey household, because, like music, it's a thing that unites us. It's a bridge that brings us together. I have a beautiful big life. And I will never ever cease to be grateful for that.
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