Saturday, July 23, 2011

Living with... Not dying from...


Amy Winehouse is the newest member of a gruesomely sad club. The dead at 27, wasted talent club. While this is very sad (I think it's sad anytime we lose an artist)her death is not shocking to anyone. People are weighing in all over facebook and twitter today and it got me thinking about this disease that so many of us suffer from... DIS EASE... My natural state is restless, irritable, and discontent. The only way I used to have to quiet that was with drugs and booze... and lots of both. I am a hope to die drunk and junkie and for a long time all I wanted to do was drink and drug and rot and die. I understand the pain of addiction, I understand feeling like there's no way out. I was given a choice and a chance and I took it... I thank God every day that I took the opportunity that was given to me.
Some people aren't so lucky. Some people are given chance after chance after chance and there is no rest or peace for them. This girl's hit single was a song about how she didn't want to go to rehab... Newsflash.. Neither did I!!! No one wants to go!!! She records this song and the whole world eats it up and then promptly watches her demise.
Her friends and family tried to save her, but the gorilla on her back was too much for her to bear. I guess that's true for some folks...
Which brings me to another thought... Dying is easy, it's the living that's hard. Sometimes I wake up and my first thought is "F!! another day" followed closely by my second thought which is "Thank You for giving me another day" and then "Please give me the strength to get through it"
So, some people die so that others can live. We learn and we move forward. I send up thoughts and prayers for her family and loved ones. I hope that they can find peace... The addict in me finds solace in the fact that she no longer has to fight her demons anymore. And unless someone has fought those demons, don't speak on this subject...No one knows the utter desperation and terror unless they've experienced it themselves. I'm grateful for the gift that I was given and I continue to push forward every day, no matter how I feel... Or how daunting life may seem...
"Everyone gets a sobriety date... Some are lucky enough to get theirs in a meeting and some get theirs on a tombstone" So today, I'm living with this thing... Not dying from it... and for that, I am grateful...
RIP Amy...

Monday, July 11, 2011

Mmmmm Leftys....



Clayton Kershaw was just a few months old the last time that the Boys in Blue went to a World Series. Dreams of fastballs and big hanging curves were not yet on his little baby radar... Wow... I am a thousand years old!!!! I was watching the Dodgers/Mets game with my Dad on Thursday night and Kersh was on the bump. I love watching this kid throw. I always have. He's nothing short of amazing and with the less than stellar season that Dem Bums are having, I have to hang on to the bright spots that we have in our corner. Matt Kemp, Clayton Kershaw, Andre Ethier and well, ending the first half of the season by sweeping the Madres :) I love division rivalries... Especially when they bounce us outta last place.
So... back to Thursdays gem against the Metropolitans. Streaks end and begin every day and the Dodgers losing streak ended Thursday night largely in part because of Clayton Kershaw... His magic fastball and nasty hanging curve. I love watching his face when he brings the ball down to his chest... He is perfectly at peace, shows NO emotion and there he goes. He's beautiful to watch. Aside from a first inning hit at the hands of Angel Pagan, no Met would reach first base until the 7th. A hit from Aaron Miles, a walk to Andre Ethier and a blast from the beast (Kemp) gave the Dodgers what they needed to avoid getting swept by the Mets. It's pretty... it's soooo pretty...
I'm a sucker for a lefty... Always have been. I'm a sucker for a ball player, period... End Of Story! But pitchers are a whole different animal. Ever see them in the dugout? No one and I mean NO ONE is speaking to them... The 1st position is sitting alone with one arm in his jacket and ice in his eyes. I'm a true blue baseball fan. I'd rather watch a pitching duel than a home run derby any day of the week. Opening Day was a game like that.. Kershaw Vs. Tim Lincecum, both guys virtually unhittable. Opening Day was a Kershaw gem the Giant Killer and the boys won 2-1. The last series against the Angels, he started against Jered Weaver and the Dodgers actually won!! Tough to do against the Halos... His four season ERA is 3.14 and the guy is averaging 9 or 10 strikeouts a game... Not bad for a 23 year old.
He's a joy to watch. He's donating money to an orphanage in Africa for every strike out that he records this season, and at the rate he's going, these kids are going to be living in the Ritz..
In other news... Derek Jeter recorded his 3,000th hit... and it just happened to be a home run :) Respect to the Captain. The All Star Game is this weekend, Matt Kemp is competing in the Home Run Derby tonight which should be fun to watch and Kershaw got his first All Star invitation. Even though Roy Halladay was named the starter, it's still pretty sick that CK is there. This time of year makes me nervous, the trade deadline is coming up and I have to emotionally prepare myself to say goodbye to some players that I love.
Annndddd I owe my friend dinner... damn.

Friday, July 8, 2011

And the hits just keep onnnnnnnn comin'


I'm having one of the worst weeks of my life. I try to stay sunny-side up for the most part, but this week has just absolutely hammered me... Failed a test at work that I needed to pass in order to get a pay bump which I kinda really need right now... Ouchie!!! We're supposed to go to San Diego next week, but due to unforeseen circumstances with my traveling buddies, we can't go... Which is fine, I shouldn't spend the money anyway.... I just reallllyyyyy need the beach. The Dodgers are in last place and having one of the worst seasons that I can remember.... So, after being a super-emo mess yesterday, I came home, watched the game with my Daddy, laughed via text with my friends and fell asleep. I woke up this afternoon ready to step out and face the world... That's all I really know how to do is just keep moving forward... Even when things suck (And they SUPER suck right now) I go into town to run some errands & set up camp at The Dollhouse and whaddaya know? My car breaks... grrreeeaaatttt....
I'm desperately looking for the silver lining right now and before I get too down, I need to look at the things that are making me smile... Not in any kind of order... Just thoughts.

Clayton Kershaw: The kid is an absolute joy to watch. I love the Zen look on his face when he pitches... Full on poetry.

My Friends: One of which is trudging her sweet ass out to Big Bad Boulder to pick me up and love on me... And the rest of my girls (& a few guys) that make me laugh and remind me that although things suck right now, they won't suck forever...

Softball: The boys keep winning and that makes their den mother verrrryyyy happy... Especially since my beloved Bums can't seem to win a series or get out of last place.

Jobby Job: I love it... I'm beyond blessed to work where I work. Is it really considered work when I love it so much?

The Empire: I'd be dead in the water or locked up without it. I shudder to think of where my life would be without God and His infinite Grace.

My Parents: My Papa who is taking me to rent a car tomorrow so that I don't go completely bananas.. My Mommy, she's just about the cutest thing ever ever...

Nine Inch Nails.

Baseball: I can always lose myself in a game, I don't care if it's little league... Baseball calms me in a way that nothing else can.

The knowledge that this will pass and that I really don't have it THAT bad. I always search for sense in things that are nonsensical, I look for reason in the unreasonable and sometimes things don't have to make sense. Sometimes things just are and I have to trust God... I take comfort in knowing that I'm not alone. Pretty much everyone I know is having some sort of battle in their life right now and while it may differ from mine, we can carry each other through. I'm grateful for that... Never having to be alone again and being able to show up for others even when my insides are breaking...

It's ALWAYS okay in the end and if it's not okay, then it's not the end...

Looking forward to what tomorrow brings :-)

Monday, June 13, 2011

Monday Morning Music Mania


Mondays are always a little bit manic for me... I usually don't get enough sleep on Sunday nights due to Sunday Night Insomnia... So last night I attempted to beat the insomnia and I just stayed out too late with my awesome friends, drinking tea at Starbucks... Talking about nothing... Talking about everything, solving the world's problems and discussing why I think Natural Born Killers is the most romantic movie ever made... (I'm kinda sick)
I listen to music all day at work, it's part of what makes my job awesome... I can throw on the headphones and just get lost... I have a few minutes left on my lunch and since the lunchroom is a madhouse, I thought I'd share the absolute random-ness that IS my taste...
I set my MP3 player to random and didn't adjust anything... No skippy skipping through any song... I just let it ride... The below list is what played from 7:30 this morning til about just now...
AFI-Silver and Cold
Chevelle-Still Running
Love & Rockets-Sweet Lover Hangover
Joan Jett-Do You Wanna Touch Me
The Jesus & Mary Chain-Just Like Honey
Dragonette-Pick Up The Phone
ATB-Fields Of Love
Tears For Fears-Change
INXS-Don't Change (The irony is not lost on me here)
Nine Inch Nails-Closer
The Shiny Toy Guns-Ghost Town
Jay Z-Dirt Off Your Shoulder
Love & Rockets-So Alive
The Cranberries-Dreaming My Dreams
The Deftones-Be Quiet And Drive
Mark Ronson/Ghostface Killah/Nate Dogg-Ooh Weee
And to top it all....
Superdrag-Feeling Like I do

So there's a little peeky boo into my weird little mind on a Monday....

Friday, May 13, 2011

Things That I Love






I'm bored and I've had this idea pinging around my brain all week... Not so much baseball related although I'm sure that will make an appearance somewhere :)

My Jessica Simpson Acadia pumps... I love these beauties so much that I have three pairs of them... In different colors. They're comfortable, cute and sexy as hell. A girl can never have too many patent pumps.

Vestal watches... I have three of those too... Good things come in threes right? In a way Vestal is responsible for the job that I have now...

Kissing... The best of the best.. I love kissing... Is there anything better in life than a great kiss?

Belly laughs with my friends... 'nuff said.

A good book on a rainy day (or any day for that matter)

The Los Angeles Dodgers... Win, lose in sickness and in health... This team has me by the heart and always has. I just can't let it go....

Day-dreaming right fielders... Most of them hit the long ball and have a missile for an arm... Give me a dreaming right fielder any day...

My cat...

My family... We put the FUN right back in dysfunction... Their constant love and acceptance no matter what....

My soulmate... My sister from another mister...

My job... My little stop gap of a job has turned into a career...

The Secret Empire... Where I found acceptance, true faith and God... The ONLY place that I've ever felt normal...

Music. Good music moves my soul, makes my heart beat a little bit faster, makes my feet want to move. I lose myself in notes and chords and lyrics and beats...

Trent Reznor and Joan Jett...

The ability to show up for someone else... The ability to ask someone else to show up for me...

Dancing and singing and losing myself in a moment...

Clothes, shoes and boys with tattoos!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

I Love L.A.


What a beautiful night!!! Walking into Dodger Stadium has always been a special experience for me... Hearing the sounds of batting practice, smelling Dodger Dogs on the grill... My heart always skips a beat, my pulse quickens... It's just exciting. It always has been... I can't remember a summer in my life where we haven't gone to that park & every year, it's all new again.
There's a ton of drama surrounding my beloved team right now & I hate it. I have an emotional attachment to this ball club that is borderline unhealthy & it saddens me to see all the crap going on right now with their ridiculous owner..
Moving on. Tonight's game was nothing short of incredible. Aaron Miles ( who I can't stand) actually hit very well! Dre extended his hitting streak to 25 games... Homeruns from Kemp & Uribe added some serious excitement... & I had everyone around me cheering for the kid, Jerry Sands.
It was a great game.
And then in the ninth... in comes big Broxton. My heart sunk. I don't have too much faith in him right now, but he needs the fan's support & I'll be damned, he got it. The whole stadium was on their feet cheering this guy on. He gave up 2 base hits & a run, but with 2 outs... Tony Gwynn Jr made the catch of the century... Broxton owes Gwynn a steak dinner for that grab tonight.
Dodgers won & it was a nail biter.... It always is against the Padres. Good or bad, thick or thin, I will always stand by this team.
I better get some rest, we got another one tomorrow...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Brutal...


Being in love is a beautiful thing. Having a partner in life, someone to cross the chasm of loneliness with, share stupid inside jokes with, fight with & make up with is an awesome & fulfilling feeling. I've been single for a hot minute, but I'll never forget that whimsical feeling of knowing that I belonged to someone...
All that sappy crap being said, when a relationship goes south, it can go one of two ways.. My last ex and I are still great friends, yeah it was painful but there was & is a lot of love there... The one before him? Nasty... Probably the worst breakup I've ever been through. It just got ugly... I won't go into the gory details, because that's not what this post is about.
Breakups & divorces are hard enough.... Divorcing when you're a billionaire & a high profile owner of a baseball team is something else entirely. Imagine having your entire life & lifestyle blasted all over the tabloids, every person who cared to read a newspaper knowing the most intimate details of your life...
It's gotta be brutal, and while I'm a sensitive gal, I'm having a hard time finding any sympathy at all for the McCourts.
Dodger fans knew this divorce was going to get ugly, but I don't think any of us saw it getting this bad. Cutting corners with security, driving up food & parking prices, not going after big market players, letting firecrackers on the Dodgers go by the wayside (Randy Wolff, Orlando Hudson)... Fans boycotting the stadium, Frank having to take a loan just to pay the payroll? Ludicrous!!! This is the Los Angeles Dodgers for crying out loud!! The franchise of Sandy Koufax, Tommy Lasorda... The first team to break the color barrier & this man has damn near run it into the ground..
So Selig stepped in and took over & Dodger fans couldn't be happier. Today's getaway game was a small crowd, however, 4,000 walk up tickets were sold.. That's folks who decided, last minute, to catch a game on a Thursday afternoon. Those that did were treated to a nailbiting gem starring Casey Blake, our ace, the young Kersh & the beast.. Matt Kemp.
I feel bad for the McCourts. I really do, they were married for upwards of 30 years and to have that go so bad & so publicly has got to be bloody awful. I'm sure they have both lost their minds, but embezzling money from the Dodgers ti finance the divorce is unacceptable. Not having a chief of security and tighter restrictions on fan behavior, ultimately causing a man to get beaten damn near to death... Is unacceptable.
Frank & Jamie got greedy. The love of money is the root of all evil & drives people to do insane things... So we'll see how this plays out. I'm sure it's going to be a rocky road & I'm sure Frank will try to sue... That's kinda what he does. But when he bought this team, he signed a binding document saying that he wouldn't. Other owners have tried & failed & Frank will fail too.
It's the end of an era in LA LA Land... But a better one is on the horizon :)
Like any other blue-blooded irrational Dodger fan, I have nothing but faith.
And hey, them bums are 2 & 0 since Selig stepped in!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Dream Weaver



I love Jeff Weaver... I'm not ashamed of this & I catch a lot of hell for it but I just don't care. Weave is my guy & there are those (Some of them related to me :)) that hate him more than I love him & again... I don't care. I'm super bummed that he's still out there as a free agent. With our relief pitching looking the way it does, my feeling is that we need Weave...

A Simi Valley boy with a mess of blond hair & a mean face, the guy is alllll heart...
He's been with seven different teams since coming to the majors in '99. A bit of a head case at first, the guy would give up a home run & let it rattle him. I'm not a pitcher, I'm not a baseball player & I have no IDEA at all what it takes to pitch a baseball game.

He threw the game of his life with the Cardinals. Game 5 of the '06 series, he threw 8 innings giving up only 4 hits and 1 earned run...
And then? To the Mariners & then back to the minors & then back to the Dodgers. He got the win in in Game 1 of the 2009 NLDS against the Cardinals .
The next year, he made the roster as a reliever. He made a couple starts last season. One against his little brother :) and July 5th of last year, when John Ely got into a bit of trouble. Weave came in and held the Marlins to no runs at all... However, the Dodgers bats couldn't catch the deficit that Ely gave up...

Here's what I know, when I see his 6'5" lanky frame lumbers out to that mound, I get excited. Last year at the Tigers/Dodgers game, he came in to relieve John Ely in the 7th & I flipped out... I stood up screaming & yelling & full of joy that I would get to see him pitch.

He's a solid middle reliever, he's good to come in and clean up a mess & set up for a closer. I think he'd be great closer actually, it seems to be that he's got the mentality to be a closer.

I miss him. I miss seeing a true gamer on the mound, that ratty blond hair & his thick gold or silver chain around his neck. I love anyone with a baseball heart & to me... That's what he is... A true player with a baseball heart. I keep wishing for Weaver.. I'm watching the Cards destroy us right now & wishing more than anything that Weaver was on the bump. We're getting shelled right now because the Cardinals are teeing off on Cromier. Jeff is/was amazingly good at getting out of a bases loaded situation with no damage.

So, until something magical happens, I will sit and pine & wish for Weaver :)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Time To Weigh In....


The Dodgers and Giants rivalry is one of the most storied and fantastic rivalries in all of sports... I was born hating the Giants. I've always despised them, I didn't figure out why until I was a little bit older & by then it was too late. It used to be really bad... Like, I couldn't be friends with someone who was a die-hard fan of that team... A few years back, I was dating a guy who lived in SF, we argued about baseball & it all came to a head when he called me a heartless Dodger fan... Heartless? Me? This coming from a man who was a fan of Barry Bonds... & I'm heartless.... Needless to say, that didn't last long :)
Today, it's a little bit different... I have fun with it.. Do I despise the Giants? Absolutely! Was I sick to my stomach when they won the World Series? You betcha!!! I was rooting for the Rangers like I was a lifelong fan... I was devastated that the Giants won... A few things kept me warm.. One, it was their first WS win since moving to California in the '50s.. My guys have 5 :) And Two... Everyone says the NL West is the worst division in baseball... Welp, the worst division in baseball won the Series... Now what?
Today, I have a plethora of Giants fans in my life... I work with a bunch of them, heck, I got my foot in the door at my awesome job because I was waiting on Giants fans every day for almost 2 years... Today I have fun with it. Today my smart aleck friends photoshop pictures of Giants gear on me & put it up on facebook... & today I laugh at it :) It's fun... It's supposed to be...
I haven't written or said much about what went down on opening night because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. I've read a lot of editorials that blame everyone, The Dodgers, Frank McCourt, the City of Los Angeles, Beer... but let's place the blame where it should lie.. at the feet of these 2 cowards who did this awful & terrible thing... And it exists, everywhere. Not just at Dodger Stadium, but also at every other stadium in the country... The Giants serve the beer in cups that say Beat LA on them. I heard a rumour that they do this when not even playing the Dodgers... Giants fans hired a plane to fly over Dodger Stadium on opening day with a banner that read"BEAT LA" to which the Blue Birds replied GIANTS SUCK :) Yay for chanting...
It exists... on both sides, but it's time to take a step into the real world... Last season Clayton Kershaw got suspended for hitting a batter, he was retaliating against the Giant pitcher that hit a Dodger.. this is what they do. Let them do it. Let the players battle it out... I go to games with my Dad & my 82 year old grandmother, families bring their kids... Couples go on dates. There's no more beautiful place than Dodger Stadium when the sun is setting & the boys are winning. Baseball is fun, rivalries are fun... All this guy did was go to a game wearing a jersey in support of his team. I'm sure it got rowdy in the stadium & I'm certain that these two idiots had too much to drink. While I'm deeply saddened by this event & my thoughts and prayers are with this young man & his family... I'm glad that this incident is getting so much attention.
It's time to stop this insanity. When I lived in San Diego, I went to every Dodger/Padre game that I could decked in Dodger Blue from head to toe & people talked trash to me & anyone that knows me knows I gave it right back :) I loved going to Charger games. However, I would never go to a Charger/Raider game because of all the disorderly crap that happens. There's always fights. Booze infused testosterone pumping fights...Calm the frik down! It's a game!! It's supposed to be fun...
When did going to the ball park mean going to a war zone?! We have the right to feel safe in our surroundings... I pray to God that this man makes a full recovery & I know that these idiots will be brought to justice...
But maybe, just maybe, some good can come out of this... Maybe with all the attention that this is getting, people will start to wake up... I've talked a lot of trash & held my own when it comes to baseball... I've covered a co-workers desk in Dodger printouts after a sweep, I will do it again too... But I would never ever ever ever resort to violence... This isn't the first time that there has been unnecessary fan violence at my beloved ball park, but hopefully... We've seen the last of it..

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Opening Day....


I've been so excited all day long!! Completely distracted and barely able to focus... I woke up with a flutter... IS it Christmas? Is it a National Holiday? No!! It's better than all of that!! It's opening day!! The one day a year where all teams are in first place :) It's a new year... A new season.. A time when anything can happen and anything usually does...
I'm currently at home with my Dad & my Grandma... Three generations of irrational Dodger fans watching the game... We're in the bottom of the 7th in the middle of an epic pitching duel. I wouldn't expect anything less from Clayton Kershaw, our young ace and Tim Lincecum... The freak with the hair...
Some defensive mishaps have caused my heart to race & listening to the announcers talk about the drama of our ownership & the Dodgers being in financial straights is giving me anxiety... How can the Los Angeles Dodgers be in financial arrears? How is that even possible with one of the most lucrative clubs in all of baseball? Greed!!! It's time for Frank McCourt to do the right thing and sell this team. Ownership issues trickle down to the clubhouse & while we may tell ourselves different, we know it's true...
The sun is setting over Chavez Ravine & I wish I was there.... Going into the top of the 8th.. Kershaw is done leaving a 1 run lead for Kuo...
Can we do it???
Not throwing 4 straight balls like Kuo just did... Late inning walks will kill ya every time.
In the bottom of the 8th Kemp draws a walk, getting on base for the 4th time.. Steals second like the Matt Kemp I know & love... Big James hits a double & now we've got a little bit more insurance against the dreaded Giants...
Big JB comes in to try & shut the lights out here... Nice play by Loney for out number 1...
96 pitches... 9 strikeouts & 1 walk for young Kersh.... The young ace gets the win!!
Ball Game!!!!
I'll take it!!!Man alive!!! What a nail biter this one was!!! This is what baseball is all about.. Rapid heart rates, good base running solid hits...
Opening Day... Way to open the season... On a win... Against the Giants...
I know that we're not going 162-0, but work out some of these kinks & we've got ourselves a season!!!

I can't imagine anything sweeter :)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Getting Closer...




As opening day draws near... I can't help but be excited. Right now my Dodgers look like a ragtag bunch of misfits... and oddly, I'm okay with that. Starting the season with a bench clearing brawl (Thank you San Diego... Stay Classy), some injuries and much to my chagrin, no Jeff Weaver.
There's folks who hate Jeff Weaver as much as I love him, but I can't help it. The guy is all heart, he's got the soul of a gamer and gnarly attitude and I flip out every time I see him step on the bump.
I'm an emotional and often times irrational Dodger fan. I don't think about the business side of the game, I'm heartbroken when my favorite guys leave Blue Heaven for greener pastures.. Eric Karros, Paul LoDuca (dumbest trade ever) and Shawn Green. I have no interest in the business side of things and while I'm happy about free agency because it gave players the control of their careers, what started as a good intention has turned into a travesty.
These guys get to play baseball for a living!! I can't imagine anything better!!
Gimem a day dreamer in right who comes through in the clutch and hits the long ball...
Gimme a middle reliever with a snarl on his face and a frik ton of movement on his pitches...
Gimme a closer with ice water in his veins...
It's time... We're ready....
Let's go Dodger Blue!!!!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Big League Weekend




Every Spring in Las Vegas, we have Big League Weekend, when a few big league ball clubs invade our fair city and play a split squad Spring Training game. It's a fun chance to see major league ball players for a few innings as well as getting a gander at the future :) Last year, my Dodgers got smoked by the Reds... I think Joey Vatto hit a grand slam or something crazy & it was an awful windy & cold night.
This year's was a much better experience,! I didn't get to see my two favorite guys, Dre was in AZ battling against the White Sox & Casey Blake was hurt, but it was a fun day nonetheless.. Any day at ANY ball park is a great day. Except that we lost.
We lost to the Cubs in 10 innings. I watched Matt Kemp strike out with the bases loaded and got hammed up at 2nd base... Maybe my fears about bad baserunning are legit...
I know Spring Training is NOT ABOUT WINNING... I know that in my head, but in my baseball beating heart.. it's a different story altogether..
Dee Gordon was looking good at short and Raffy was dirty by the second inning, which is just the way that I want him to be...
Big James Loney looks great as first & I think we saw just about every pitching prospect that we have in the Dodgers organization... All in all it was a gorgeous day, and got me even more pumped for the regular season.
Baseball is baseball, I love it any time & any where... But Big League Weekend.. it ain't nothin like the real thing!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Back To Basics..


I started writing this blog because I love baseball... And over the last few months I've gotten away from that.. well,.. Well because there hasn't been baseball to write about.. I've been super focused on football and boys and haven't paid much attention in the off season to the one sport that I hold most dear to my heart.. Baseball..
I have a running bet with a friend of mine that if the Dodgers are over .500 at the All Star Break, he'll take me to lunch/dinner.. The same rule applies if my boys have a winning season. I have nothing but faith that I'll have two tasty meals in my belly courtesy of said friend :)
Spring training is well underway and my beloved boys in blue sit at .500. With two wins coming VIA Clayton Kershaw & John Ely.. Both kids.. all heart. Nothing makes me happier than this time of year & for some reason that I have yet to put my finger on, I'm more pumped about this season than I have been in seasons past...
Maybe it's because I feel something different.. A new skipper.. Donnie Baseball seems to have a great rapport with the team. Matt Kemp and Rhi Rhi broke up, so I'm hoping that he remembers how to run bases this year & Dre is all shined up completely healed from his freak finger injury that ailed him last season... Hopefully, their terrible owners will do what's right & sell the team.. Mark Cuban anyone? But more than that, I hope my guys can leave all that crap in the front office where it belongs.
Before the first pitch is thrown the umpire shouts Play Ball.. Not Work Ball.. So let's go!!! Sit in the sunshine, enjoy a Dodger Dog.. Spit seeds and delight in the wonderful drama that is baseball..
Go Dodgers!!!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Trifecta...


Today is a special day. Not because of flowers and candy and kisses.. Happy Valentines Day to all my married and hugged up friends.. Happy Single Awareness Day to those that aren't :) Today is a special day.. Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training today, which for me is better than Christmas.. It means that soon, I'll hear the crack of a bat and I'll be basking in the sunshine of Blue Heaven on Earth.. AKA Dodger Stadium..
Today is a special day for me.. Today marks my 6th anniversary of being set free from the bondage of drugs and alcohol. I'll never forget the anxiety and fear that I felt when I walked into that hospital. I'll never forget how alone I felt and how overwhelming life seemed. I'll never forget the overwhelming feeling of how badly I had burned down my life.
I am a blessed woman. I have a host of family and friends who supported me through my darkest time, but the day came that enough was enough and I was given a choice, get help, or get gone. I chose to get help & it was the scariest, hardest & most painful choice I have ever made in my life.
Don't get it twisted, I love being sober but giving up my best friends, meth and vodka, was too big a task to handle. I had reached a point of no return.. I couldn't imagine life with or without these things...
So here I am.. six years later. Blessed beyond belief, I've been given a life that I absolutely 100 percent do not deserve. The road has not been easy. It's painful and it's hard a d it's glorious and it's rewarding and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love my life.. It's not beyond my wildest dreams.. my wild dreams involve Costa Rica & a baseball player :)
I have a life that I didn't know I wanted. I get to be a daughter, a friend, a mentor, a mentee, an employee.. A productive member of society who pays her bills on time.. who pays her bills! And while these things may not seem like a big deal to the average bear, they're a big deal to me.
I can never repay the gift I have been given, nor are there enough words to express the gratitude I have for my family & my friends. All the glory goes to God for giving me a new path. I have been able to live two lives in one lifetime...
I'll end with this, it's not mine.. but it's on point.

"Justice is getting what we deserve... Mercy is NOT getting what we deserve.. Grace is getting a lot of things that we don't deserve"..

God and His infinite grace....

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Beware of Girls Chasing Boys!!!


I had an epiphany last night.. something hit me like a ton of bricks & while I'm not that thrilled to discover this information about myself, it's real and it's valid and it needs to be dealt with.
I want romance! I want flowers at work! I want sweet text messages in the morning.. I want to be chased and it dawned on me last night that I never have been. I've never ever in umpteen years of dating, allowed myself to be courted, romanced, pursued.. chased.. And that's all I want!
The problem lies with me.. According to a dear friend, I'm one of the last "dope bitches" on the planet.. but I never give any man the chance to see that because I'm too busy chasing his ass!
Ughh!! Annoying right?! Don't let the tattoos fool you.. I'm an old-fashioned woman. I want the door opened for me, I want my cigarette lit & if we're walking down the street, I expect you to walk on the street side.. Protecting me from any cars that might jump the curb :) (lots of guys don't know that trick.. you're welcome).
I've never been pursued.. I've just seen something I wanted and went for it, thereby emasculating the man I'm interested in and becoming part of the problem that i consistently bitch about.. DUH!
This is my third year of being single in Sin City... I have an amazing life. I'm grateful for my career, my sobriety, my friends, my family & my relationship with God (not at all in that order)but there's a part of my wheel that's missing and when nothing is going my way.. I gotta take a look inside..
So.. If you find yourself being chased by me, kick me in the shin & remind me that I'm not chasing anymore..
After all, I'm a dope bitch.. and dope bitches don't NEED to chase!