Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I had an epiphany last night.. something hit me like a ton of bricks & while I'm not that thrilled to discover this information about myself, it's real and it's valid and it needs to be dealt with.
I want romance! I want flowers at work! I want sweet text messages in the morning.. I want to be chased and it dawned on me last night that I never have been. I've never ever in umpteen years of dating, allowed myself to be courted, romanced, pursued.. chased.. And that's all I want!
The problem lies with me.. According to a dear friend, I'm one of the last "dope bitches" on the planet.. but I never give any man the chance to see that because I'm too busy chasing his ass!
Ughh!! Annoying right?! Don't let the tattoos fool you.. I'm an old-fashioned woman. I want the door opened for me, I want my cigarette lit & if we're walking down the street, I expect you to walk on the street side.. Protecting me from any cars that might jump the curb :) (lots of guys don't know that trick.. you're welcome).
I've never been pursued.. I've just seen something I wanted and went for it, thereby emasculating the man I'm interested in and becoming part of the problem that i consistently bitch about.. DUH!
This is my third year of being single in Sin City... I have an amazing life. I'm grateful for my career, my sobriety, my friends, my family & my relationship with God (not at all in that order)but there's a part of my wheel that's missing and when nothing is going my way.. I gotta take a look inside..
So.. If you find yourself being chased by me, kick me in the shin & remind me that I'm not chasing anymore..
After all, I'm a dope bitch.. and dope bitches don't NEED to chase!