Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Bad Bad Bad Bad Boys.. They Make Me Feel So....

I'm boy crazy...
I know this...
I have been for as long as I can remember.
But more than any other guy out there..
I'm a sucker for a nice cool glass of trouble.
I love 'em!
I'm never surprised at how they behave,
yet I always kick myself for getting caught up...
So, I thought I'd walk in, get my needs met...
Break a head board or two...
And walk away.
I knew what I was getting into with this guy,
So why am I at all surprised by the outcome??
Cause I'm a boy-crazy hopeless romantic!
He sat across from me on purpose...
Burned holes in me with his eyes for an hour..
We flirted, he texted... we played like that for a few days.
We met for coffee..
Walked in the park..
Solved the world's problems by the light of my dashboard & the sounds of Massive Attack..
It was nice..
But I KNEW..
I knew the place he was in, both emotionally & mentally...
And that place was completely unavailable..
Sweet guy, handsome as sin with lips like sugar
But I've never seen a mess so hot!
Over the last few weeks we've had some great nights and epic talks..
Facts are facts.. There's just too much that I don't know..
My suspicion is that he's just not that into me..
And I have needs.. of which he can only meet one..
And one just isn't enough for me anymore..
My other suspicion is that he is just not capable of showing up & I get that..
But me thinks I am lying to myself..
So, where was I wrong & what did I learn??
Am I hurt? Did I hurt him?
Did I inadvertently create some expectation?
Communication would help, but I refuse to contact him..
He knows where I am..
At least I knew what I was getting!
This guy made no front about who he was or where he stood..
I appreciate that honesty, which brings me to this..
A word of advice guys, be who you are!
Don't put up some front that you're a nice guy
Or that you want more than you do.
Dating is nightmarish enough without having to figure out where your head is at!
If you're not into me..
Suck it up, grow a pair & say so!
I'd rather have my feelings hurt than not know...
Not knowing IS no, but I'd still like a solid response..
I've spent too much time chasing & I'm done!
Somehow, we've allowed men to forget their role and became the ones doing all the work..
What happened to the chase???
I'm tired of twisting myself into knots...
Is he into me? Is he not? Is he gonna call?
Should I call??
It's enough to drive a sane person crazy!!!!
OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The single life is rough... and there's no end in sight!!
Wish me luck...
Maybe Mr. Right is under the very next rock.....

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sex In The Big Bad City

Dating SUCKS! As baseball season draws to a close and my beloved Dodgers are not going to see October this year, I have to find something new to write about and well, this blog is not only about baseball, but how I would like to date a man who has some of the same passion for this beautiful sport as I do.. (No Giants fans need apply :))

So, back to dating sucking more than anything ever... I had a date last night with a guy who was and is NOT my type at all. I thought I'd try something different as my type doesn't generally work out.. Tall, skinny, tattooed & mean just isn't all it's cracked up to be.. Who knew?! For the sake of this piece, I am changing names so as not to put these poor guys & their idiocy on blast.. So we'll call him June. This young man is nice, good looking, good job, seemed to be spiritual, doesn't live here but he's close enough. He invited me to dinner. Great! I picked the restaurant, met him there, we have great conversation, he's laughing at my jokes and I'm laughing at his.. Then.. the bill came. Now, I have no cash on me, I'm under the assumption that this is a date, he called, he asked me out and blah blahbity blah blah, so I go for my wallet and we both throw our cards on the table and he says to the server, just split it down the middle (even though he ate most of my Pad Thai.. but I'm splitting hairs here) My card got declined because God has a sick sense of humour! It was one of the most uncomfortable situations of my life.. He has since been deleted.. Bye. Even my guy friends pick up the check and they KNOW I'm not putting out! I have a pretty fantastic mentor in my life and she has given me some lessons on this over the years.. one of them is that when a guy asks me out, I need to let him be a guy...

This little mortifying situation got me thinking about the numerous and equally mortifying situations that I have been in since Scooter and I broke up in December of '08. First, I dated NO ONE for months. For years I had been a serial monogamist and after he & I split, the insanity needed to stop!!! And stop it did, I put the focus back on myself and God's kids, getting fit and enjoying my life. I gave myself time to heal from all of my past stuff and low & behold, I started meeting quality guys. Guys I liked, who treated me with respect and kindness (Who picked up the bloody check) and so it began..

One made me laugh, which is key.. but ultimately was not what I was looking for.. too much stuff. We went out for a total of 7 days and I clipped it. Cool.. Moving on... I met the Dentist and Russian Gunnar at the same time, both equally awesome in totally different ways. The Russian Gunnar was moving to a far away place & the Dentist? Well, we went out a couple times, then he stood me up... twice.. No bueno. He's just not that into me. Moving on!!! Russian Gunnar ended up being an absolutely stellar dude, he raised the bar for me and showed me that all good men are not dead in the heart and in the head. I miss him, and I know our paths will cross again someday...

Then there was Rube whose ideas of sex and intimacy were so childish that my head spun around on itself.. The things he said to me had my bra-burning feminist friends in a frenzy... I was just embarrassed, then real frikkin pissed! Next was my friend, who I had been casually flirting with for a couple of years, we crossed a line and he turned into a huge tool. Mr. I Don't Want A Relationship was in one mere days after our tryst... yeah, I haven't really dealt with that too much. So that's it, oh, well there's also the friend zone where I seem to end up more often than not.. I can't help it, I'm a bomb ass chick & I love sports, I also have a very soft and nurturing heart...

If you're married or in a long-term relationship.. STAY THAT WAY!!!! It's a bitch out here for real! It's a process.. Seeing what's out there, deciding what I like what I don't.. and if nothing else, my ridiculous love life is fodder for my friends at work who are all happy and cozy in their relationships.. :) I have some amazing men in my life, guys that would lay down and die for me, guys that see me hurt and immediately go into warrior mode... Most are related to me :) But my guy friends are my brothers and they take good care of your girl. I don't hate men.. That's not what this is about at all! I love guys! Love 'em! I love the way they smell, how they act, the stupid shit they do and the inappropriate jokes.. Love 'em
At some point, I gotta wonder what it is about me... Or what I'm doing that attracts these guys... Maybe God really does have a sick sense of humour :) Whatever the case may be, I'm not giving up.. Not now.. and not ever.. He's out there somewhere and if I have to deal with every toad on the planet to find my prince, you bet your sweet ass I'll do it with a gracious smile, and an open mind.