My Friend Ivan

I have this wonderful friend, or should I say WE have this friend. His name is Ivan. I met Ivan when I moved back to Vegas from San Diego back in 2006. My memories of him include, but are not limited to, late nights dancing with a ton of friends and getting totally twacked on red bull... Fight parties at his house and him laughing at me because I despise Anderson Silva... Trips to Zion and his great laugh... Him hanging my Mom's Christmas lights one year and her repaying him in cookies. Cookies are legal tender in this crowd :)
Here is what I know about Ivan: he's friends with EVERYONE... He's constantly helping new guys, I don't think I've ever seen him with an empty car. EVER. His whip is always full of people, and he doesn't discriminate, he's an equal opportunity friend. The guy is an inspiration.
I usually write these pieces on baseball, or famous people who have died, or my once crazy love life, but today I want to honor my friend, our friend. Who, in a few short days is moving to Uganda. I haven't been able to look at him lately without crying. When I think of the space that he is going to leave behind. I don't question his reasons, no one has to tell me about wanting to be closer to family, hell, I moved from the beach to the desert in the middle of July because I missed my folks so damn much. 6 years later, I've never regretted that decision and I know that Ivan won't either.
He's been a staple in our community for almost 8 years and I'm sad to see him go. Tomorrow we celebrate his home-going and we get to enjoy his company just a little while longer, of course, if I don't want to wait, I'm sure that I can pop over to Bachi Burger, cause chances are, he'll be there :) Maybe there's a way that we can overnight him some Bachi Burger to the U G A... Hmmm
Godspeed, our dear friend. Thank you for who you are and all that you have done. You will be missed.

Get A Broom!!

So.... It's Jackie Robinson Day. The day where ever player on every team wears #42 with no name on their jersey. It's a special day. It's even more special for the Dodgers, since they were the team that broke the color barrier. It was extra beautiful today because Vin Scully was back and my lefty was on the bump.
Unfortunately, Clayton Kershaw did not dominate the way he usually does. Matt Kemp in full BeastMode hit his 6th home run of the season and before I could say boo, the boys were ahead 4 to 1 in the 5th. Kersh walked three straight and all of a sudden we're tied at 4. Fast forward and the boys get a triple play. It happens so rarely in baseball, so it's truly special when it does.
So here we are in the bottom of the ninth and the bases are loaded. Hairston is in to pinch hit and he fouled out, then Dee Gordon steps to the plate. Skinny Swag had a rough day, he missed some key plays that could have saved Kershaw's bacon... But Flash came through. He hits a walk off single and the Boys in Blue win their 9th game of the season.
They are off to a 9 and 1 start, now I realize they've played teams who are just bad. But I'm still excited about the best start since 1981... When I was a mere 3 years old :)
It's been a good weekend. The Dodgers won Friday, Saturday and today. We went to a beautiful wedding yesterday, and the weather is finally settling down. There's a lot to be excited about!!! Yeah, it's the Padres & the Pirates, but back to back sweeps is something to smile about!!!
It's an extra special day for baseball and I'm a happy and hopeful Dodger fan!

Hard Not To Be Excited...

It's hard not to be excited about this ball club. I mean, I'm excited and hopeful at the start of EVERY season... But this one, it just feels different somehow. I suppose I say that every year. I know that Dee Gordon is faaaaassst... Like rocket fast and he's so much fun to watch. I timed him on Tuesday, he was on first base for less than a minute before he stole second. He was safe at 2 before Barajas even knew that he was gone... He scored within 4 minutes of reaching first base. That's how quickly he manufactured a run. unbelievable.
I know that my Lefty, Clayton Kershaw, was battling the flu on Opening Day. He came out and dealt anyway, he pitched 3 innings, the infield backed him up... he hit a double and pitched himself out of a bases-loaded jam in the third before Donnie Baseball yanked him. He threw 77 pitches during Tuesdays game and struck out 7. This kid is special and so much fun to watch.
Andre Ethier has seemed to find his bat... Kinda, and it looks like he's actually having fun playing baseball again. Matt Kemp is Matt Kemp, he's also explosive and fun to watch. I'm excited about Justin Sellers, I'm NEVER excited about Juan Uribe, I'm curious as to what A.J Ellis may have up his sleeve.
But most of all, I'm hopeful. The Dodgers have a new ownership group on its way in... A group led by Magic Johnson (Magic loves LA and LA loves Magic) and baseball genius Stan Kasten. No one spends 2 billion on a team without intention of making it a dynasty. This gives me some hope, and peace that this storied franchise will no longer be dragged through the mud.
This is the time of year where everything is exciting, everyone has hope, I hear Vin Scully and I know that somehow, everything is right with the world... at least for those 9 innings....

Lucky Number 7

Today marks the seventh anniversary of my sobriety... While I know many people with WAY more time ( My Dad, my best gal pal etc...) Seven years is a long time between cold beers and shots of grey goose for someone like me.
This has been the hardest and the most rewarding year yet... I've been going through one of the hardest things I've ever faced in my life and I thank God every day that I don't have to do it alone. I have a host of friends around me who are walking me through life... The fear of the unknown has gripped and sometimes crippled me, but I'm a blessed woman. I have some amazing angels that are carrying me right now...
In the midst of the gnarliest thing that I have ever experienced, God has given me the most special thing I have ever known. I have found the love of my life, the end all be all for me. There is no one else in my future...
I have no idea what God's plan is... And I can't always see where He is in my life, but I can usually see where He was.
Seven years ago, I was sitting on a plane headed to rehab in San Diego, I had no idea what the future held for me, I didn't know anything about what waited for me, I only knew that I had been given a way out. I don't know if anyone is familiar with the havoc that drugs and alcohol wreak on a life, but I was pretty shot out... The only thing that I felt when that day came was relief.... Fast forward a few years and I'm back in Vegas, working at this great job... Wanting to go back to the beach..
And bam, my Mom falls ill then Bam again with the perfect guy for me.... He has led me every step of the way, i just haven't always seen it
So, yeah, it's been a year full of ups and downs. I can honestly say that He never gives us more than we can handle... And when He does, He gives us people to handle it with.
I'm excited to see what year 8 has to offer....
You all know who you are. Thank you for trudging with me.

Living with... Not dying from...

Amy Winehouse is the newest member of a gruesomely sad club. The dead at 27, wasted talent club. While this is very sad (I think it's sad anytime we lose an artist)her death is not shocking to anyone. People are weighing in all over facebook and twitter today and it got me thinking about this disease that so many of us suffer from... DIS EASE... My natural state is restless, irritable, and discontent. The only way I used to have to quiet that was with drugs and booze... and lots of both. I am a hope to die drunk and junkie and for a long time all I wanted to do was drink and drug and rot and die. I understand the pain of addiction, I understand feeling like there's no way out. I was given a choice and a chance and I took it... I thank God every day that I took the opportunity that was given to me.
Some people aren't so lucky. Some people are given chance after chance after chance and there is no rest or peace for them. This girl's hit single was a song about how she didn't want to go to rehab... Newsflash.. Neither did I!!! No one wants to go!!! She records this song and the whole world eats it up and then promptly watches her demise.
Her friends and family tried to save her, but the gorilla on her back was too much for her to bear. I guess that's true for some folks...
Which brings me to another thought... Dying is easy, it's the living that's hard. Sometimes I wake up and my first thought is "F!! another day" followed closely by my second thought which is "Thank You for giving me another day" and then "Please give me the strength to get through it"
So, some people die so that others can live. We learn and we move forward. I send up thoughts and prayers for her family and loved ones. I hope that they can find peace... The addict in me finds solace in the fact that she no longer has to fight her demons anymore. And unless someone has fought those demons, don't speak on this subject...No one knows the utter desperation and terror unless they've experienced it themselves. I'm grateful for the gift that I was given and I continue to push forward every day, no matter how I feel... Or how daunting life may seem...
"Everyone gets a sobriety date... Some are lucky enough to get theirs in a meeting and some get theirs on a tombstone" So today, I'm living with this thing... Not dying from it... and for that, I am grateful...
RIP Amy...

Mmmmm Leftys....

Clayton Kershaw was just a few months old the last time that the Boys in Blue went to a World Series. Dreams of fastballs and big hanging curves were not yet on his little baby radar... Wow... I am a thousand years old!!!! I was watching the Dodgers/Mets game with my Dad on Thursday night and Kersh was on the bump. I love watching this kid throw. I always have. He's nothing short of amazing and with the less than stellar season that Dem Bums are having, I have to hang on to the bright spots that we have in our corner. Matt Kemp, Clayton Kershaw, Andre Ethier and well, ending the first half of the season by sweeping the Madres :) I love division rivalries... Especially when they bounce us outta last place.
So... back to Thursdays gem against the Metropolitans. Streaks end and begin every day and the Dodgers losing streak ended Thursday night largely in part because of Clayton Kershaw... His magic fastball and nasty hanging curve. I love watching his face when he brings the ball down to his chest... He is perfectly at peace, shows NO emotion and there he goes. He's beautiful to watch. Aside from a first inning hit at the hands of Angel Pagan, no Met would reach first base until the 7th. A hit from Aaron Miles, a walk to Andre Ethier and a blast from the beast (Kemp) gave the Dodgers what they needed to avoid getting swept by the Mets. It's pretty... it's soooo pretty...
I'm a sucker for a lefty... Always have been. I'm a sucker for a ball player, period... End Of Story! But pitchers are a whole different animal. Ever see them in the dugout? No one and I mean NO ONE is speaking to them... The 1st position is sitting alone with one arm in his jacket and ice in his eyes. I'm a true blue baseball fan. I'd rather watch a pitching duel than a home run derby any day of the week. Opening Day was a game like that.. Kershaw Vs. Tim Lincecum, both guys virtually unhittable. Opening Day was a Kershaw gem the Giant Killer and the boys won 2-1. The last series against the Angels, he started against Jered Weaver and the Dodgers actually won!! Tough to do against the Halos... His four season ERA is 3.14 and the guy is averaging 9 or 10 strikeouts a game... Not bad for a 23 year old.
He's a joy to watch. He's donating money to an orphanage in Africa for every strike out that he records this season, and at the rate he's going, these kids are going to be living in the Ritz..
In other news... Derek Jeter recorded his 3,000th hit... and it just happened to be a home run :) Respect to the Captain. The All Star Game is this weekend, Matt Kemp is competing in the Home Run Derby tonight which should be fun to watch and Kershaw got his first All Star invitation. Even though Roy Halladay was named the starter, it's still pretty sick that CK is there. This time of year makes me nervous, the trade deadline is coming up and I have to emotionally prepare myself to say goodbye to some players that I love.
Annndddd I owe my friend dinner... damn.

And the hits just keep onnnnnnnn comin'

I'm having one of the worst weeks of my life. I try to stay sunny-side up for the most part, but this week has just absolutely hammered me... Failed a test at work that I needed to pass in order to get a pay bump which I kinda really need right now... Ouchie!!! We're supposed to go to San Diego next week, but due to unforeseen circumstances with my traveling buddies, we can't go... Which is fine, I shouldn't spend the money anyway.... I just reallllyyyyy need the beach. The Dodgers are in last place and having one of the worst seasons that I can remember.... So, after being a super-emo mess yesterday, I came home, watched the game with my Daddy, laughed via text with my friends and fell asleep. I woke up this afternoon ready to step out and face the world... That's all I really know how to do is just keep moving forward... Even when things suck (And they SUPER suck right now) I go into town to run some errands & set up camp at The Dollhouse and whaddaya know? My car breaks... grrreeeaaatttt....
I'm desperately looking for the silver lining right now and before I get too down, I need to look at the things that are making me smile... Not in any kind of order... Just thoughts.

Clayton Kershaw: The kid is an absolute joy to watch. I love the Zen look on his face when he pitches... Full on poetry.

My Friends: One of which is trudging her sweet ass out to Big Bad Boulder to pick me up and love on me... And the rest of my girls (& a few guys) that make me laugh and remind me that although things suck right now, they won't suck forever...

Softball: The boys keep winning and that makes their den mother verrrryyyy happy... Especially since my beloved Bums can't seem to win a series or get out of last place.

Jobby Job: I love it... I'm beyond blessed to work where I work. Is it really considered work when I love it so much?

The Empire: I'd be dead in the water or locked up without it. I shudder to think of where my life would be without God and His infinite Grace.

My Parents: My Papa who is taking me to rent a car tomorrow so that I don't go completely bananas.. My Mommy, she's just about the cutest thing ever ever...

Nine Inch Nails.

Baseball: I can always lose myself in a game, I don't care if it's little league... Baseball calms me in a way that nothing else can.

The knowledge that this will pass and that I really don't have it THAT bad. I always search for sense in things that are nonsensical, I look for reason in the unreasonable and sometimes things don't have to make sense. Sometimes things just are and I have to trust God... I take comfort in knowing that I'm not alone. Pretty much everyone I know is having some sort of battle in their life right now and while it may differ from mine, we can carry each other through. I'm grateful for that... Never having to be alone again and being able to show up for others even when my insides are breaking...

It's ALWAYS okay in the end and if it's not okay, then it's not the end...

Looking forward to what tomorrow brings :-)