Serendipity...

Sometimes the sun shines when it's supposed to rain... Sometimes a connection is made when the moon is full and the night ends with a beautifully painted pink sky. Sometimes, you find the perfect place at the perfect time and someone says the perfect, sweetest words that you've ever heard. Sometimes the stars line up in perfect formation and God smiles on us and says " This is for you.. Enjoy" Sometimes you are giuded home by a light and greeted with a very loud train, sometimes things make sense that really have no business making sense. Sometimes we take chances... and sometimes they pay off...

Why Women Are An Optical Illusion

I've put some serious thought into this matter.... Stay with me! Every morning I wake up, (Hopefully!) rub the sleep from my eyes, shake the dreams from my hair and set about my morning routine. The woman that greets me in the mirror is not the same one that faces the world every day. The personality is the same, feelings, emotions, all the things that make me me are there... but she looks quite different from the person you see at work, at play, at the gas station.. Wherever! It begins with makeup and hair, I fight with my hair every day to straighten out the wave that I inherited from my father, or I use a ton of product to enhance the natural curl that my mother has graced me with. Either way, it's not real. The color has been changed multiple times in 16 years, I think it was light brown once, but since I was a freshman, it has been, blue, purple, red, blond and finally blue/black... Next is makeup, foundation to cover the blemishes that I never had as a teenager, but as an adult, they pop up almost daily.. Like a new friend.. Joy. Eyeshadow to enhance my eye color, lipstick to make them appear more puffy and kissable :) Who doesn't want more kissable lips right?! the next step is clothing, a heftily padded bra to make it appear as if I have much more of a chest than I actually do.. Clothes that work for my curvy figure and last but certainly not least are shoes.... I stand 5'10" barefoot (according to my drivers license :)) and I tend to wear heels that make me about 6'2" or so... The girl who walks out the door is a tall, svelte made up lady who is ready to take on the world, she looks far different from the one who just woke up.
Why do we do it? Why do we put on the war paint and head out to do battle? Well, because it is a battle out there, we're fighting for jobs, men, to be taken seriously.. all of these things. We also feel better when we can out on a face and face the world.. Pardon my redundant use of the word face...
The illusion creates confidence, helps us to nurture that little girl inside who liked to play dress up. This past week, I was in close quarters with a guy who is prety special, and the idea of him seeing me without makeup was horrifying at first.. Until I realized that silliness was all in my head..
No matter how we face the world, we are all beautiful creatures of light. Women are magic and mystery, a pretty package to be unwrapped and discovered.. At the end of the day, when the pretty clothes come off, the war paint has been washed and my jammies are on, I realize that I'm just as comfortable with myself as I was before..
Weird food for thought, I've been going back and forth with this one for quite some time.

Life...

Life happens when we're busy making other plans... I never plan anything that way life can just happen. This time of year is tough for a lot of people and I get that completely. It's hard for me too, I miss my friends and family that aren't with me anymore. I miss the fact that my parents aren't together and there's still a part of me that feels broken because of that fact. However, we have a reason to celebrate. The birth of a savior, the message of hope that brings to a world full of hopeless people. We are given a short time on this planet. The holiday season is to be rejoiced, but somehow, we've managed to turn it into a time of stress. On the phone with someone today and when I asked how her holidays were, she replied that she couldn't wait for them to be over! Be nice to one another people. When we reach the end of this road, the only thing that's left are the memories we've managed to make with the people who love us. Granted, I'm full of sunshine kisses most days, and I can see how that's irritating to some of you!! There's nothing wrong with being completely in love with the life that God has given you. My grandad used to tell us to "Enjoy your life" and I'd like to thank him for that advice and let him know that I am.

Rejection sucks on so many levels... not a good time at all

A Moment

I'm sitting here with my dear friend, listening to music and laughing at insanity, staying in the moment. Life is a series of moments strung and threaded together to create a story. Life is talking to a cute boy until three am and letting him walk you to your car, facebooking your friends who are sitting right next to you :), singing Beatles songs with your mom at a piano bar, laughing with your dad... Playing trivial pursuit with your funny ass friends..my most important moment today was feeding my niece until she fell asleep in my arms. God I love that little baby. I never knew it was possible to love something as much as I love her. Every time I look at her, I start to cry... She's such a little miracle. God is good, He really is. He gives us little miracles, little signs that he's got our backs. Right now at this very moment, my friend is putting some really great music into a JoJo folder, music that he thinks I should lsiten to. I get to see a side of this person that I don't know if he shows all too often. It's kind of nice. I love my life. The last few months have been very strange and heartbreaking at times. Life and death have happened in abundance this year and I'm not sure how to take it all in, how to process everything that has happened. All I know how to do is get out of bed, hit my knees and thank God for giving me another day. Another day to experience another series of moments that may bring some joy, maybe some definitely some smiles and lots of love. Life is dancing until the AM!!!!!

Gone Too Soon

It's been a while since I've written anything on here, I always intend to, but we all know about intentions. I feel compelled to write this today about another light that has left this world too soon. In recovery, we have heroes and he was one of mine. I can't believe that he is gone. I keep thinking that I will wake up and this horrible dream willm be over. I wonder sometimes what we're fighting for... I take comfort in knowing that I am not in this fight alone, I am so blessed to be loved and supported, and even more than that; that I am aware of the love that surrounds me. Did he forget how many people loved him? Did he forget that this too shall pass? I don't know, I will never be okay with losing people. I hope that I'm never so desensitized that death doesn't affect me. I know that he was an inspiration to me, that he helped my friends in this deal and that he had God-given talent that no one could touch. What sends us over the edge? What is the final straw in this life that will push us. I know now that we have no mental defense against that first hit.. The wolf is always at the door, just waiting to be let in. The monkey on my back is doing pushups, waiting for me to falter. We can't let up, I can't stop fighting. I'm trying to find reason in all of this and make sense of something that I don't understand. I guess that's human nature, to try and find reason in something unreasonable. May he Rest In Peace, and may his family and friends find comfort in the factm that he is with God, and he no longer has to wrestle with his demons.

Human Kindness

I witnessed something tonight that goes beyond anything that I have ever seen before. It was a simple act of kindness, something that never would have occurred to me to do. I was in my Monday night meeting, this meeting is located in an area of town that's.. Well lets just say it's not the best :) When I arrived, there was a man outside, who was homeless and drinking. I paid him no attention and ducked inside from the cold.About midway through the meeting, the man came in and sat down on the floor. He was obviously drunk, but wanting to escape the cold, he came in to the room. That's when I saw something so beautiful, the closest thing that I've seen to Christ-like love in a very long time. A friend of mine who has been sober for 31 years, got up from his seat, got the man a cup of coffee and a slice of cake, gave it to him and sat back down. He did this without even thinking about it, it was like second nature to him. I remember when the man came in I thought to myself'"there but for the grace of God go I" I was selfishly thinking of myself and my friend was thinking of this man, cold,drunk,homeless and probably miserable. We live in a world where we hide behind computers and our cell phones; we disconnect from one another with text messaging and instant messages. We never really have to make contact with one another. And isn't that what life is really about? The impact that we have on others or that others have on us? When did we lose that? I've seen amazing things in my life. I have wonderful friends and family who have stood by me through the darkness and were there to help lift me into the light. I feel that was what my friend did tonight, he brought some light to this man whom I'm quite sure is living in darkness. We depend on our Internet and cells to get us through each day, when did we stop depending on the kindness of strangers? What I saw tonight was inspiring to me. I want to be better, to do better. To be more humble and not so self absorbed. I have friends who are struggling right now and I'm so grateful that I have the chance to stand up and be a friend to those very special people who are in turmoil. What I saw tonight was God's love in action through a wonderful man.... Someone who I kind of want to be like when I grow up