Saturday, July 23, 2011

Living with... Not dying from...


Amy Winehouse is the newest member of a gruesomely sad club. The dead at 27, wasted talent club. While this is very sad (I think it's sad anytime we lose an artist)her death is not shocking to anyone. People are weighing in all over facebook and twitter today and it got me thinking about this disease that so many of us suffer from... DIS EASE... My natural state is restless, irritable, and discontent. The only way I used to have to quiet that was with drugs and booze... and lots of both. I am a hope to die drunk and junkie and for a long time all I wanted to do was drink and drug and rot and die. I understand the pain of addiction, I understand feeling like there's no way out. I was given a choice and a chance and I took it... I thank God every day that I took the opportunity that was given to me.
Some people aren't so lucky. Some people are given chance after chance after chance and there is no rest or peace for them. This girl's hit single was a song about how she didn't want to go to rehab... Newsflash.. Neither did I!!! No one wants to go!!! She records this song and the whole world eats it up and then promptly watches her demise.
Her friends and family tried to save her, but the gorilla on her back was too much for her to bear. I guess that's true for some folks...
Which brings me to another thought... Dying is easy, it's the living that's hard. Sometimes I wake up and my first thought is "F!! another day" followed closely by my second thought which is "Thank You for giving me another day" and then "Please give me the strength to get through it"
So, some people die so that others can live. We learn and we move forward. I send up thoughts and prayers for her family and loved ones. I hope that they can find peace... The addict in me finds solace in the fact that she no longer has to fight her demons anymore. And unless someone has fought those demons, don't speak on this subject...No one knows the utter desperation and terror unless they've experienced it themselves. I'm grateful for the gift that I was given and I continue to push forward every day, no matter how I feel... Or how daunting life may seem...
"Everyone gets a sobriety date... Some are lucky enough to get theirs in a meeting and some get theirs on a tombstone" So today, I'm living with this thing... Not dying from it... and for that, I am grateful...
RIP Amy...

2 comments:

cutieewitbootie said...

Jojo that was beautiful...my exact thoughts on living one day at a time...luckily my sobriety date is December 17,2004 ...Amy and anyone who dies fronthis cunning and baffling disease didn't want it like that but the price of addiction is just so tempting ....never judge for Tijuana never know when addiction will show up at your door..and its company has no mercy

Joanna Blue said...

Mine is February 14, 2005 :-) The wolf is ALWAYS at the door. I'm a real junkie and a real alcoholic... I play for keeps. The fact that we have been sober and clean for years on end is nothing short of miraculous... Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. Part of me takes comfort in the knowledge that her troubled soul is finally at peace and she no longer has to fight this raging demon.